Hi welcome back.
We're back in front of the white board once again.
How did you find the demonstration on the deconstruction.
What you are most likely noticed was that we didn't hold anything back that might even have been timed
through the discussion.
You may have found yourself squirming a little bit inside saying something like How can you ask your
wife questions like glass in front of a global audience.
Well to be honest with you as I mentioned we wanted to give you a real time experience to show you what
a personal breakthrough session actually looks like when it's being done well.
I have honestly delivered more personal breakthrough sessions over the years than what I even care to
remember possibly an excess of I was INS what used to take me you know anything up to half a day perhaps
three and half for four and half hours to to achieve going back five or six years ago and today takes
me maybe half an hour or 45 minutes tops.
Right.
So what I'm seeing here is to create a personal breakthrough session.
Well it's just a time thing time and experience the more we practice the better we become.
No here I want to give you a framework right to help you understand and be able to identify what it
is that you're looking for.
Right.
In terms of unhelpful habits unhelpful attitudes that your client is going to be or your clients are
going to be subscribing to.
When we start addressing those things asking questions it gives our client this opportunity then to
break through where they currently are and into something new or better.
So this brings us on to the choices of maturity and character.
Now remember we're all brought into the world as little Bambi knows we're all wet behind the ears we're
all figuring things out as we go.
All right.
So it's never going to be fair of us as human beings to give other human beings.
PUTIN Through the run of the mill give them a hard time for being imperfect because they're just as
imperfect as us.
We're all on a journey of maturity on growth and the pace that we progress on this journey is ultimately
going to be determined by our ability unwillingness to grow out of old habits that don't serve us and
into better ones that do what I'm going to suggest is that our habits are sometimes attitudinal by nature.
By this I mean we have some pretty bad attitudes that we subscribe to.
They're not just actions or behaviors.
All right our attitudes are nine times out of ten born out of the beliefs that we have about our self
about the world about our parents about how they relate to us about society about how lovable and good
we are and so on so forth.
And the limiting beliefs that we subscribe to in life can be limited by nature.
All right.
So although we can really ever gauge and respond to our people's actions their behaviors on their attitudes.
Remember I mentioned this right back at the start of Section 1 of the course.
All right.
We can gauge for a person's art by gauge in their authors behaviors on their attitudes.
So am as a life coach as a mentor as a helper of other people was our husband to my wife as a friend
to my buddies in life what I'm always on the lookout for are ways that I can add value to people's lives
and what I'm talking about adding value.
I'm not talking about giving people money or buying people stuff.
I'm talking about asking better questions that are going to provoke and challenge those people that
I cared about to reflect more upon themselves for the purpose of growing because what I know from experience
is that the higher I go the better it is.
All right.
Haven't been in the place of victim mindset and know what kind of stuff is horrible down there.
All right it doesn't serve us doesn't serve anyone else and it's certainly not fulfilling in any way.
So in my experience as I've kind of become more aware of myself over the years I've certainly found
life to be more joyous and a bit more of an exciting adventure.
So I'm here what I'm now able to do is simply identify with relative ease and also address through appropriate
questioning the unhelpful attitudes habits and behaviors that I see other people subscribe into.
Now what I'm talking about seeing it's not like I'm actively watching people's every move and every
habit and every action and every behavior but what I'm generally doing is discerning where a person
is aren't through hearing and seeing the words that they are saying.
All right.
Coming back to that word again discernment.
So here we want to look at the helpful on that unhelpful attitudes people subscribe to in life.
This gives us context and a framework for being able to ask appropriate challenging questions that are
going to invoke people to reflect upon themselves.
I want to remind you of this idea that I shared with car and two videos ago and it was about a conversation
I had a few years ago with a guy who used to ask him some pretty tough questions as well about himself
why he would say and do some of the things that he would say and do.
And he would say to me Cain what is truth kind of expect me to give him some sort of philosophical answer
like you do.
And truth is whatever of oh there's all sorts of crazy responses to that question but I'm but I'm guessing
when it comes to the way in which we live our lives.
The only relevant truth is gonna be how we are in the context of our day to day relationships and this
is building upon the idea that the quality of our life is pretty much always going to be determined
or heavily influenced by the quality and the caliber of our relationships.
No.
What current primary goal is and what Current's major issue has historically been has been related to
how she relates with people and how she also relates to herself.
All right.
So it goes without saying that we make peace with truth once we have accepted doubt which is true.
And that's the purpose of a personal breakthrough session to lead our clients into a greater degree
of insight into that which is ultimately true for them.
But it is up to our clients whether they take responsibility for that which is true or that which isn't.
Now this ties in with the openness and receptiveness part of the standard that is shared back in Section
1.
All those hours ago no if you will remember and when we take responsibility for that which is true for
us we become automatically empowered to surpass it and move beyond.
Remember people will not change until the desire to change becomes greater than their desire to remain
the same and I'm so sorry for being so repetitive here.
But listen this is a really really important critical factor and we got to buy into and appreciate as
life coaches and to a person wants to change.
And until a person is ready to change they most certainly will not change.
Does it matter how hard we try or how many awesome questions or how many techniques or how many tools
we try to throw their way until they are ready and willing to change they will not change and a person
will not change until they've taken responsibility for that which is not working and serving them and
their life.
All right so we're brought into the world as children and we're generally brought into a family of sorts.
Be this a functioning one or an on functional family.
Whether we have a mom and a dad or to dance or two moms or a mom and a dad and then we have a dad that
dies or a mom that dies or something like this.
We all have a parental upbringing and it's through the earlier years in life that we start making decisions
and arriving at conclusions and making assumptions about who we are who we are and what we are capable
of what we are not capable of what we can do what we can't do and what we should do what we shouldn't
do whether we are going to throw ourselves a life 100 miles an hour or whether we are going to our path
are pathetically refrain if that's even the right word.
And as we saw Carl had done over the last couple of videos so responsibility is obviously a helpful
attitude in life the more we take responsibility for ourselves for our flaws or imperfections or inconsistencies
the more empowered we become to surpass them.
Why.
Because we're all naturally gravitating towards being better human beings and you're not going to have
so much a problem with us especially in our life coaching context of a person's coming to you for coaching
is because they ultimately want to move forward in their life in some way.
No.
Again as I've mentioned in terms of a personal breakthrough session unless a client really genuinely
does trust you.
Unless you have earned their trust and are in good rapport with them they're are most certainly not
gonna be okay with you asking questions of an intimate personal nature like those which I asked Karen
over the last couple of videos.
But when we do ask our clients tough questions and when they do eventually take responsibility for owning
their stuff they become automatically empowered to break through the stage of life that they may currently
be stuck in.
Are you with me until a client takes responsibility for themselves they will not change because we cannot
change them for them.
Irresponsibility breeds disempowerment responsibility breeds empowerment humility versus arrogance and
pride.
Now do you remember the question I asked Karen about apathy said Karen.
Is it really low confidence or is it apathy.
No.
Granted it was a tough question even inside of myself.
I could say well my goodness I would not want to be in the receiving end of a question like that.
All right.
Current and quite well to keep it together.
She didn't get angry or anything like that specie or she had one of two attitude she could have taken
one if humility and honesty or one of arrogance and pride arrogance and pride would have looked like
this.
No it certainly isn't as little confidence I'm a victim and she would have gone on to protect her habit
of a lifetime.
All right.
Which is ultimately what prevents many people from ever growing out off beyond healthful habits that
don't serve them in life.
It's humility that serves us under the people the most when we humbly own our flaws our weaknesses our
imperfections.
All right.
You know what.
I don't have it altogether.
You know what.
I am not a perfect communicator.
You know who I am a million miles away from being at that place of life what I really want to be you
know what I don't fully understand my past.
You know what.
I'm not the perfect husband.
You know what I am not the perfect father.
You know what I am not the perfect boss I am not the perfect friend.
Humility is attractive isn't it.
And if when we are operating out of a place of humility I don't have it altogether.
I'm not the tough guy.
I'm not the big man.
I don't have all the answers just yet.
All right.
We generally tend to attract a different type of people in our life than those people we attract from
or operating from a place of arrogance and pride and I've got it all together and I'm the hot shot and
I'm okay.
I'm in Ireland.
I don't need anyone apart from myself.
We're looking at a difference here between openness and closeness.
All right what works and serves us in a coaching relationship also works and serves us in pretty much
every other relationship that we could engage in in life.
All right.
If you have many people in your life lots of close knit friends and relationships that it's most likely
because you're quite good operating from this place of humility.
If you do not have no friends if you do not have too many intimate relationships or people in your life
that you can really trust and be yourself around my friend I would urge you to check yourself before
you wreck yourself any further or anyone else in the process.
A helpful attitude versus an unhelpful attitude no arrogance and pride is more of a defense mechanism
as Sigmund Freud would have discussed going back around about 100 years ago.
He referenced defense mechanisms all right.
These habits and attitudes that we embrace for the purpose of defending and protecting ourselves.
Well as you noticed with Karen current I asked you a couple of very very personal questions and she
could have gotten defensive but instead she chose humility.
Ah OK that's true.
And again what I'll just rub this idea up am is just you just by saying that we'll never move beyond
a hobbits or an unhelpful What did you do until we've accepted the truth about the part that we're playing
and the outcome that we've got in this stage of our life.
So it goes without saying Slow to Anger quick to anger.
Current crew got angry when asked of that nasty question.
But she wasn't right.
She refrained.
She managed herself.
Now we're tying back in with that idea earlier on self-awareness breeds self management self management's
overflows into social awareness social awareness rules over into social management so the degree to
which we're able to manage our self is going to determine how effective we are influencing other people.
And I've never never known an angry person to be of influence northern north.
How do I know this because I used to be an angry man back in the day.
Definitely no.
There was a book shreds years ago when I was studying political theory called the prince by Machiavelli
and one of his core ideas or ways of thinking was it is better to be feared than loved.
What I would suggest is that it's better to be trusted than feared all right.
It's better to be trusted than loved or feared right.
Only because when people trust us and they know where they stand with us and sometimes love is a choice
isn't it.
So when we are slow to anger this gives us more time to reflect on think and respond appropriately.
All right if we're operating from a place of anger we're again more often than not operating from a
place of defensiveness where our goal is more to protect ourselves than actually grow.
All right.
So a helpful attitude is being slow to anger and unhelpful attitude as being quick to anger.
Let's look at the world of politics today.
And I'm not really into politics too much.
Really not too impressed with too many politicians around the world these days but there are some men
and women who are avid promoters of unity and there are some men and women who are avid promoters of
this unity.
What I am going to suggest is that it demands a hell of a lot more from us.
All right.
To be pro unity and what it does prove disunity.
I give you an example.
Then right back at the start of mining comes marriage and she will mine me share in this because we're
quite open people.
We struggled all right.
It wasn't that I'd hards role models or people who showed me how to coexist in a healthy marriage and
Karen hadn't had this either.
So the first few years of our marriage we really struggled to the point where we were both different.
Karen haven't come from her religious background.
We haven't come from a military background or kind of like chalk and cheese.
So choosing to remain in a relationship with each other was a little bit difficult sometimes.
Curran who would operate from this place of apathy and holding back me operated from this place of running
a life a million miles an hour.
You know you can imagine the conflicts that would arise every now and again.
But here's the thing.
All right in marriage we take what's called a set of wedding vows.
I know this is referred to as being old school when not important these days.
I would beg to differ.
All right.
I would say that marriage is one of the most correct refining and defining relationships we can ever
be in in life.
All right.
How willing are we to honor the commitments that we make.
How willing are we to remain integral and true to the promises that we make other human beings you know
and through our marriage or my marriage with Karen there have been times when I did not feel like remaining
committed.
There have been times I did not feel like a lover.
And it was through those times in those situations that I chose to honor my commitments instead understanding
that we're all on a journey in life and that we all have the capacity to grow beyond a stage of life
that we're currently and when we understand this one idea it makes it very very easy to be pro unity.
All right.
Look at the world politics again today here in the United Kingdom currently we're going through this
Brexit drama at the minute and we have some people want the United Kingdom to separate from Europe and
then we have people in Scotland that once got into separate as a nation from the United Kingdom and
and so many people around the world are pro death's unity.
All right.
It requires effort hard work to to remain in unity with other people.
But I'm going to suggest that this is more character defining than what being this unity.
I don't see eye to eye with our person me away with them.
I don't like this nation's idea.
Ideals were away with them.
We are different people from most people.
Let's separate and go your own way.
It's easy to like those people in life who are just like us is slightly more challenging to like and
get along with those people in life who don't see eye to eye with us.
But here's the thing.
If you've ever heard the saying that iron sharpens iron in the same way people sharpen people and how.
I find that I've grown at the fastest rates through my life times when I've immersed myself in the company
of other people who are completely different from me.
Why.
Because there's one of two attitudes that I could take towards people who are different from me.
I could set myself up on a self-righteous pedestal and see my way as the right way your way is the wrong
way my opinions write your opinions wrong my world philosophy is the right word philosophy and you are
wrong or I can come from the attitude you know what I don't understand you.
I understand my worldview I understand my way of thinking and acting and behaving and being I don't
understand yours.
How about we go for a coffee have a few conversations to help me understand you I'm going to approach
this relationship from a place of unconditional acceptance unconditional positive regard I'm not going
to assume the worst of you I'm not gonna assume that you are bad just because you're different all right.
Instead I want to understand you to see if there is a way that we could eventually possibly work together
in unity.
Just acknowledging that two people working together are going to accomplish more than what one person
working on his or her own is ever gonna accomplish.
Three people working together are always going to accomplish more than 2 10 people working together
in unity are always going to accomplish more than 100 people working alone in isolation.
Some people would say the odds were better or work in doing her one thing some people would say we're
better together.
This is the kind of Brexit an argument wouldn't want to go on about that.
I'm just going to suggest that and promoting unity requires a lot more from us than what promoting this
unity does.
I'm going to suggest promoting unity being for unity M is a helpful healthy mature attitude you can
take towards life whereas this unity is kind of the easy option.
All right.
But it's entirely up to you that you choose.